Monday, March 19, 2012

The New Normal

         Normally, I'm writing article about the culture of the Christian, the body, or just life in general.  I am going to take a different direction today and settle in to write a quick little ditty about something that has changed.  I am not talking in the aspect of change concerning God, God doesn't change, if He did than He would not be much of a God.  However, there is a change in my daily life a "new normal" that I am adjusting too.
         The past few weeks have been both heart wrenching and the most peaceful I have had in my life up to this point.  I have experienced heart wrenching moments in the past, but none that have affected my life as the loss of my Father, Lee Roy Goodson, Jr.   In the past, I left my heart on a plate for a young lady and she sliced and diced it put it back on the plate and my heart healed.   I once had a friend of mine in high school who made me look like a fool in front of my peers, my heart ached, but it healed.  I have lost friends to death, I have lost acquaintances to death, in both situations my heart ached, but it healed.
        On March 1, 2012 my heart hit an irreparable state.  Do not get me wrong, my heart is not severed to the point that I cannot recover it, but it will never be the same.  Physically I am o.k., my heart is still beating; however the emotional heart is run a muck.  I often think about the process of my condition and thank God that He walked with me through this whole process.  I am adjusting to my new normal, normally I looked forward to seeing my Dad on the weekends and hanging out with him, asking advice and working on some project that he had going.  For example, the other night, I am walking through the kitchen and my wife tells me that our rug underneath the sink is wet.  J.T. is there and he opens up the cabinet and we find a leak on our fresh water sink system that my dad installed.  I "normally" would call him and ask his advice and "normally" he would just show up and fixed it.  That will never happen again.  The new normal is difficult.  The new normal has left a void.  Oh I can fill you all with the crap that I will be ok and I will be alright, but that is crap.  
       I can also fill you with what I call the God crap as well, that I am suffering through a valley of doubt, and that I am wondering if God is real... but that is all crap.  The one thing I have held onto through this whole thing is that God is real.  I can tell you what I "know", not what I "think."  I know that God supplanted within me a peace through the mess that I cannot explain to you.  No void, No doubt, but peace.  This is not a heart wrenching faith problem, but it is a knowing.  If I can say one thing about experiencing God, is that He is "Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control."  That is what I know, that is what is truth, that is grace, That is God.  My new normal is not physically different as my heart goes, but the new normal is different in that I miss my dad, I miss seeing him, I miss our conversations, I miss his sense of humor, but asked if I could change this new normal  "I would say no!"  
      I would say no because although pop is not physically here and I'm adjusting to this new normal, God is right.  "He is in the Heavens and He does all that He pleases (Psalms 115:3)."  That is my new normal, that is my o.k., and that is my I am alright.   

1 comments:

Janet said...

Jason, I didn't know you had this blog. I really do relate to this "new normal." I know, I still have my dad, but my "new normal" is trying to understand what has happened to my daughter and our relationship. I am not struggling with my faith, either. I'm just trying to be patient and listen to God, so He can tell me what I need to do. Thanks for sharing. Janet Z.

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